Message From Consumers To The Dairy Industry: We can handle different usages of the word ‘milk’ without becoming profoundly lost & confused, as we are not idiots.

This is just a direct address of an issue of grave concern that has arisen within the dairy industry prompting a straight-from-the-the-war-room-like psychological battle campaign of hypervigilant calls-to-arms, as it were, for saving the public from a supposedly confounding morass of forever thwarting our efforts to ever again be able to reliably purchase conventional milk, as traditionally acquired from a cow. Hopefully this provided information will alleviate the activated emergency mission objective response of their crisis management teams.

The words that follow comprise this article’s primary crucial finding, as this intel would apply to the dairy industry’s frantically and aggressively waged tactical response of epically and hilariously psychological proportions:

The word ‘milk’… has never confused us, the consumers, into thinking ‘plant milk’ is the same thing as that milk which comes from animals, and most popularly, from the cow.

We get it.

We never didn’t get it.

That’s the crux of the whole takeaway. If you’re in a hurry, and need a tldr: you may now feel free to stop spending billions of dollars to ‘protect us’ from confusion that will never plague, nor has ever plagued society regarding no longer understanding what conventional dairy milk is upon hearing the phrase “plant milk.”

So take a breath and step away from the war room. This has been in all senses, a false alarm.

Repeat– threat level: 0.

We are in no danger.

Instead, perhaps now go outside, calm down, and maybe confidently resume milking your cows, or your goats, or whatever it is you did before you started worrying about us, the shopping public, suddenly no longer being able to handle different definitions and usages of words as we have historically been able to do… pretty much since words have existed.

Also, maybe look up the word ‘context,’ or ‘synonym,’ or ‘variable,’ and consider applying these definitions the next time you’re struck with a sense of TERROR over some crisis never to come regarding people completely losing the fundamental ability to know how to physically reach out and intentionally select dairy milk from the dairy section of their grocery store because that store has clearly sabotaged this ability simply in that… they also sell almond milk there.

In fact , our ability to know that words have different meanings in different contexts is even refined enough to understand that purchasing almond ‘milk’ is not the same thing as purchasing a ‘bag of’ almonds, even though the word ‘almond’ is still in the description of both and, moreover, each of the two are, indeed, both made from almonds.

Nor, it can safely be assured, have we ever suddenly lost the ability to purchase cheddar cheese because something known as ‘head cheese’ exists. Trust us. Not ever.

Perhaps just to get out in front of this suddenly new bizarre approach to perceived threat assessment/fierce mitigation, here a few other things that we, as consumers, are not cognitively struggling to distinguish between upon its, however unexpected, confrontation while doing our shopping:

– ‘eggs’ versus ‘eggplants’

– ‘butter’ versus ‘peanut butter’

– ‘fruit juice’ versus ‘clam juice’

– ‘lima beans’ versus ‘jelly beans’

– ‘popcorn’ versus ‘pop-tarts’

– ‘sandwich spread’ versus ‘bed spread’

– ‘ice cream’ versus ‘vaginal cream’

– ‘hamburger buns’ versus ‘man buns’

– ‘dragon fruit’ versus ‘dragons’

– ‘Grapenuts’ versus either ‘grapes’ or ‘nuts’

We as consumers, you’ll be relieved to know, have actually been using the different applications of individual words for at least as long as we’ve had the functionally cognitive ability to purchase items at a supermarket. In fact, these two abilities have pretty much always gone hand in hand. So you can take comfort in knowing that they’re not abilities that are suddenly going to be obliterated within us… because ‘soy milk’ is an item that is sold on aisle 7.

We know you’re only trying to protect us from a devastating perceptually terrifying world of utter bewilderment (no pun… intended?). But we solemnly promise: this particular instance of the advent of more than one use of an individual word simultaneously applied in language has not suddenly destroyed our very ability to know how words… have always worked.

(Incidentally, just to reassure, the use of the word ‘address’ at the beginning of this article was used with full knowledge of the fact that it was in no way referring to a location by way of a street name and number, nor to the popularly known article of legless clothing. Along these same lines of potential concern, the word ‘article’ used in the phrase ‘article of clothing’ at the end of that last sentence was in no way mistaken as the same usage meaning of the word ‘article’ as it referred to the entirety of what’s written here in this blog entry from its placement in the beginning of that same sentence.)

Alright, I think this is an effective enough point at which to bring today’s blog entry to a close. So now if you’ll excuse me, this whole saga has left me with a distinct need to purchase some ‘milk of magnesia.’

But in the meantime, I hope this clears things up a little bit such that I don’t have to explain how that last mentioned item is not what one puts on cereal. (Though I may actually try that serving idea out today. Then, who knows, maybe from there I can work on making it into an ice cream. Or… a vaginal cream– I always forget which is which.)

Anywho, thank you for asking and…

Happy Memorial Day.